I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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