marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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