Your face is a jimmy john
literally had 100 drinks last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
