You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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