bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
