I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
