I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need a beard to bite.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
