i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
