so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
