what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
