I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
