6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
