I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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