apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
