see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
