The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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