An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
