My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
