I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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