i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
