i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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