her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
