He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
