Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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