I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
