you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
