Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
