I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
