Why is your signature on my underwear?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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