well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
