life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
