these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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