med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Randomize
