just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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