I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
