i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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