sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
