The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
