I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
