One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
