ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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