I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
