i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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