i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His nipple licking is glorious
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