You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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