Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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