I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
