i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
