I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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