I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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