I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
