i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
