i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize