So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
