I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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