where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
