Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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