alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
