he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
