in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
