She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
