I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm really busy with my period
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