God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
