Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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