tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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