This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
