Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
