gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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