I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
