i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As shirtless as possible
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
