I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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