I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
